Who Watches the Watchmen? By Anonymous, A White-Collar Felon

Progressive Prison Project

Innocent Spouse & Children Project

Greenwich, Connecticut

 Who Watches the Watchmen?

By Anonymous, Guest Blogger 

& A White-Collar Felon

Editor's note: we had no idea how timely this blog would be when we posted in on Mon., Dec. 8, 2014.  Two days later (Dec. 10) a three judge panel overturned the insider trading convictions of Todd Newman & Anthony Chiasson, redefining the rules for prosecution of traders in "remote tippee" cases.  See Walt Pavlo's article on Forbes.com and Patricia Hurtado's article on Bloomberg.com. We'll are hopeful that this decision will add some sobriety to future of SEC prosecutions.  We'd like to think that God (along with great lawyers) played a large part in this groundbreaking decision. - Jeff

 

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We encourage our ministees to "develop a voice" on their road to health, redemption and a new life. They often start small, by anonymously publishing comments to other people's blog posts.  We are proud that this ministee finally felt compelled to speak out and honored that he trusted us enough to do so on prisonist.org. - Jeff

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In the wake of the grand jury failure to indict for the deaths of Eric Garner and Michael Brown, we are called to consider the highly questionable relationship between prosecutors and the police.  But the oft-repeated, "a prosecutor can indict a ham sandwich," mantra exists for a reason - that a prosecutor, should it be his or her sincere objective, can convince a grand jury to indict anyone or anything.  Even a ham sandwich.

Perhaps the grand juries did not indict the police officers in both cases not because of the evidence or lack thereof, but because the prosecutor manipulated the grand jury to not indict.  Given the generally codependent relationship between prosecutors and police, should the larger question and debate not be just over police violence, but prosecutorial misconduct?  Willful manipulation and negligence by prosecutors?

I am a felon.  Never had a single word carried so much meaning for me - the judgment of others, the passive presumption of a fair and objective justice system, guilt, shame, remorse, anger, and perhaps most importantly, release. The hope that I can fully unshackle myself from the notions that civil society would have me hobble in self-pity, encumbered by a scarlet 'F' for the rest of my life.

When the FBI first came knocking on my door, I picked the defense attorneys that most belittled my damaged ego and psyche.  Perhaps I felt secure in their arrogance.  I was scared.  I didn't think I was guilty of what I was being accused of, but I also feared a trial.  Society does not look kindly upon white collar criminals, and I had seen a few cases where I felt guilty convictions had been won on a surge of populist anger towards Wall Street vs. the facts.  I feared prison.

Little did I understand my lawyers had already made the decision for me.  I was to plead guilty with the implicit promise that I would never see the inside of a prison.  I protested, argued that I had lacked sufficient criminal intent to have known I was committing a white collar felony.  But my protests were met with resolute conviction from my lawyers that my case would be a surefire loser at trial, and that I would undoubtedly, unquestionably face up to 15 years' incarceration.  They had already made the choice for me by presenting outlandish scenarios appealing to my worst fears.

And so my life irrevocably transformed overnight.  The prosecutor was impressively clever, she had run circles around my counsel outthinking them at each step of the process.  At distinct moments through my proffer sessions, I noticed smirks of self-satisfaction from her - the kind one feels when they've bluffed their way to a win in poker.

In the later years of my business career, I had become callous and negligent in my job - a reflection of my own growing cynicism in Wall Street and dissatisfaction with myself.  Yet I somehow had faith that the 'Justice System' would be a different realm, one of fairness and truth, where prosecutors huddled in teams to debate the facts of potential prosecution giving in all cases, the benefit of the doubt.  After all, prosecutors are being dealt the hefty responsibility of playing God with others' lives.

I concluded this process allocuting a plea to a Federal Judge, professing guilt in cases where I knew I was innocent.  I remain stupefied at how I arrived there.  I equate it to slowly boiling a frog - that a frog would immediately jump out of boiling water but if the heat is increased ever so gradually the frog willfully neglects his own safety to his own demise.

I refuse to be bitter.  And ironically, I am remorseful and I do accept responsibility.  Not for the false pleas, but for my failed judgments leading up to and through the criminal justice process.  I chose, of course, to always interpret right and wrong as close to the line as possible.  To interpret right and wrong in the way that best suited my interests.  In some cases, I know that I crossed the line.  I chose to continue in an industry filled with narcissistic, quasi-psychopathic individuals, each year loathing myself a little more.  And I chose to pick defense counsel that appealed to my most ignoble insecurities and instincts for self-preservation.

The isolation in the aftermath of a criminal conviction is indescribable.  It's unclear who amongst family and friends knows, and it is hard to know how to behave - withdrawn and remorseful, or to put on airs of normalcy.  So many doors close - of course, the word 'felony' encompasses a wide range of delits - from stock option backdating & market manipulation on one end, to violent rape & pre-meditated murder on the other.  For an educated person, the closed doors of employment & any career requiring a professional license, including driving a taxi, is a crushing implosion of conventional hope.  I often went to bed praying for mercy from God that I would not awake the next day.  The sun arose, it seemed, to mock me, to provide hopes and opportunities only to snatch it away.  I prayed to melt away into the ether.  Frankly, sometimes I still do.

We have focused much on the remorse, acceptance of responsibility and re-entry of felons into society.  Let's not forget the sins of the prosecutors.  It is far more common that people are incarcerated for crimes they may have not actually committed as a result of plea bargaining because the unchecked power of the prosecutor allows no other option for the average individual.  So often it is the ordinary career ambitions of an underpaid prosecutor that compels him to focus solely on the notches on his belt, to apply the same relative morality against the individuals he prosecutes.  

It is an abuse of power.  The prosecutors are the watchmen in our society, but there is no agency watching over them.  So whether it is the willful intent of a prosecutor to manipulate a 'fail to indict' in Ferguson or a prosecutor willfully holding exculpatory evidence from a defendant - let us question our blind faith in the integrity of prosecutors.  

Because if we don't watch the watchmen, no one else will. 

- Anonymous, A White-Collar Felon

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Rev. Jeff Grant, JD, M Div, Minister/Director
jgrant@prisonist.org
jg3074@columbia.edu

(o) +1203.769.1096
(m) +1203.339.5887 

Linked In Twitter  Facebook 

Lynn Springer, Advocate, Innocent Spouses & Children
lspringer@prisonist.org
(m) +1203.536.5508

George Bresnan, Advocate, Ex-Pats
gbresnan@prisonist.org

Michael Karaffa, Advocate, Disabilities
mkaraffa@prisonist.org

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 Comments from Social Media: 

Hi Jeff
Too often we forget that some people are actually only guilty of really poor judgment rather than guilty of “evil actions”.  How many people in all walks of life have just pushed the envelope a little too far?  While incarcerated I heard many stories from other inmates about their own lawyer recommending a plea bargaining.  Also, too often the prosecutor wants a win for a notch on his belt and a winning score, while the person’s life (and his family’s) is being decided.  Play it safe and get out in a few years, rather than spend a decade or more in prison.  The fear of very long sentences behind bars being tossed around is enough to make a person (guilty or not so guilty) bend to the will of the court system.  This is not a question of innocence or guilt but rather a question of fairness in a system that seems to have lost it’s fairness.  Once someone said to me that because of incarceration that the rest of his life no longer has any smooth corners just sharp edges.  This is a sad comment on the current thinking of our society. - 
Barry S. Diamond, Reentrysurvivors.com 

What, Me Worry? A Sermon About Depression & Incarceration, by Rev. Jeff Grant

Prisonist.org: Blogs, Guest Blogs 

& News Concerning National and

International Criminal Justice Themes

What, Me Worry?

A Sermon About Depression 

& Incarceration:

Matt. 6:25-34

By Rev. Jeff Grant  

 First Baptist Church of Bridgeport
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Sunday, August 24, 2014, 10 am

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matt. 6:25-34


I’m going to start this sermon by putting my social location on the table.  

Most of you know that I served as Associate Minister and Director of Prison Ministries at this church until February of this year.  From this pulpit, I’ve shared with you my transformation story of how I went from addiction to prescription narcotics, to Federal prison for a white-collar crime, to earning a Master of Divinity at Union Theological Seminary in the City of New York, to founding with my wife Lynn a prison ministry for people accused or convicted of white-collar and other nonviolent crimes and their families.

What I haven’t shared with you is that I suffer from bipolar depression, and that in 2002 I attempted to commit suicide.  It has been a long road back since then that has included a regular course of treatment for my bipolar depression – with varying results.

What I am going to try to do this morning is describe what it is like to suffer from depression when issues of incarceration are present in your life.

Let me tell you about a car accident I had on Wednesday morning.  It was a car accident that I had in my own driveway.

I got up late, at least late for me, at about 5:30 am. That’s about two hours later than my usual 3:30 in the morning wake up time.  Usually, I have enough time to brew myself a leisurely cup of coffee, or two.  Enough time to sit at the computer for a couple of hours and blog, respond to emails, write a sermon, and maybe work on my ever-unfinished book.  Use my time the in the way I need, in the pattern I need to quiet the chaos in my head and instill in myself a sense of calm.  It is a calm I’ve learned I need to start my day.

But on Wednesday morning, I was moving fast.  Way too fast as it turned out.  I had forgotten that our friend Michael was staying with us overnight and had parked his car in our driveway.  Exactly where I, in my supreme rush to get where I was going, needed to back up to get out of the driveway.  I didn’t look over my shoulder.  And the backup camera and beeping noises coming from my car were useless in my mad rush to get where I was going.  Luckily, my car only had a broken taillight.  Michael’s car had several thousand dollars of damage - damage that my insurance company and I will be paying for.

Here’s the point of my story. I immediately felt that old feeling when the floor dropped out from under me.  I didn’t know what to do and my mind started racing?  I started to blame everyone I could think of – I blamed Michael for parking his car in the driveway.  I blamed God for dealing me such a bad hand yet again.  I blamed myself.  I became despondent and overwhelmed with my depression.  I lost my bearings and my composure.  Luckily, I have a very loving wife, a wonderful support system, and tools I’ve learned in various 12-step programs and in my faith journey.  I recovered from my depressive episode in a few hours.

For those four or five hours I was in my depressed hole this week, I can tell you that I sympathized with the families of Michael Brown and Eric Garner.  And that Robin Williams’ suicide from his own battle with depression was on my mind.  And that I was concerned about the Israeli-Hamas crisis, prison overcrowding, solitary confinement, and all of the issues that, on most days, motivate me to do the things I do.  

I could tell you that, but I would be lying.

Because on Wednesday, the only thing I could do for those four or five hours was get through the day.  The only thing I could do was breathe. 

It’s been this way episodically since my legal issues began fifteen years ago.  With experience it’s gotten better – but I never seem to get used to it. 

What makes this driveway/car-crash/incarceration/depression incident really troubling is that only a few days earlier, I had already reached out for help on the topic of “Incarceration & Depression” – and in a big way!  

I had posted a blog on our ministry’s blogsite, prisonist.org, requesting contributions on this topic for use in this very sermon.   And our friends, colleagues and readers did not disappoint – we received contributions from clergy, innocent spouses of men in prison, prison reentry advocates, psychologists who help families suffering from legal issues, and even a man who is reporting to Federal prison next month to begin his two-year sentence for a white-collar crime. 

For the balance of this sermon, I am going to share with you some of these important contributions on the topic of Depression & Incarceration, and then I will conclude with the balance of my personal reflection.  

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The Rev. Roy Colquhoun, my friend, fellow Union Theological Seminary classmate, and Pastor in Brooklyn, New York, led us to today’s scripture passage from the Gospel According to Matthew.  

According to Rev. Roy, “we do not have to be burdened down with our loads of care. The devil is quite content for us to do just that, but he is a liar for that only leads to spiritual, emotional, mental and psychological rust.”

“The Greek word for anxiety, Merimnao, means, to be drawn in different directions. From a psychological perspective, Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing.  It is often accompanied by muscular tension, restlessness, fatigue, and problems in concentration.  Anxiety can be appropriate, but when it is too much and continues for too long, it can cause what is known as an anxiety disorder.  And because anxiety can have a debilitating effect on our lives,” that’s why the psalmist says: 

*Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. – Psalm 55:22

“Dump all your anxieties upon Jesus because he cares for us.  Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him and he will help you. He will make your righteousness radiate like the dawn and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.”
 

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:6-7

Carrying our worries, stresses, and daily struggles by ourselves shows that we have not trusted God fully with our lives. Sometimes we think that struggles caused by our own sin and foolishness are not God’s concern, but when we turn to God in repentance, he will bear the weight even of those struggles.

"Generally speaking, at the root of our cares are our anxieties about any number of things; our jobs, our marriage, our families, our future, the economy, to name a few. A significant amount of our time is spent thinking about our financial security, planning events that may never materialized, being restless and sleep deprived, trying to make the pieces fit. Where God seems to be silent, we feel compelled to fill in the blanks, but I want you to remember that during a test, the teacher is always silent."

That’s why the apostle Paul in his Letter to the Philippians said:
 

*Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with  thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6

Brother  Michael Jones (peoplexcelnlove.weebly.com), who runs a Bible study at the Merton House here in Bridgeport, shared with us his interpretation of Galatians 4( 7): As an heir we obtain an inheritance with Christ, but many have yet to believe and accept their identity  as a child of God with all the Rights, Authority, Privileges, and Power. But instead, we succumb to the ways and cares of the world, and become Depressed, Anxious, Fearful, Confused, and Deceived into believing lies.  We have a chicken coop mentality living beneath the standard of life that is promised. But the goodness and great love of the Father sent instructions in Romans 12:2, that we,

"do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12:2

Brian Jorgenson, during this difficult time he is having before he reports to Federal prison, shared that 1 Peter 3:15 has been his mantra.  According to Brian, “if everything is going great and I'm nailing life, then why would anyone ask what my hope is found in? They would assume that if I'm having success by worldly standards that there's no reason to even ask about my hope.

When we experience a difficult situation and are able to cope with it, others will naturally ask how we are able to respond this way. This is when we can do as commanded in 1 Peter 3:15 -- be prepared to give an answer to those who ask you for the reason of the hope that is in you. This is our opportunity to point to God and give Him glory, especially in our low points.”
 

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect... - 1 Peter 3:15

Two innocent spouses of men in prison contributed to the blog anonymously, sharing about their depression in raising families alone with limited resources.   The first, a woman at home raising two children, acknowledges that depression has been her “biggest demon throughout all this.”  The second, at home with four children who are falling apart, shared, “I haven't slept in almost 3 years and have almost doubled my weight.”

Barry S. Diamond, a white-collar criminal and administrator of reentrysurvivors.com, a web-site dedicated to publishing the success stories of released prisoners, shared with us,“a method that I used to keep mentally healthy was to ask everyone writing me to tell me about the mundane, everyday silly things they were doing.  Who got engaged, what parties they went to, who got promoted, fired, what siblings were fighting, fighting over what?” According to Barry, “the trick is to stay mentally connected.”

Dick Sederquist, a hiker, depression survivor, and volunteer secular prison minister (dicksederquist.com) shared with us his “trail wisdom,” in which he compared hiking to mental health.  As Dick put it, “the hiker becomes accustom to 'false peaks.' It's a way of life. The hiker knows that the journey is more important than instant gratification. He or she knows there will eventually be a true summit.”
 

Joel Caldwell, Psy.D. of Crisis Recovery Specialists (recoveryfromcrisis.com), wrote us to tell us that what we call "depression" might be an overall feeling of sadness, but it is not necessarily clinical depression.  Joel pointed out are two types of depression that families will likely experience:  the first type has to do with practical implications related to their situation.  This may have to do with questions regarding finances, effectively parenting the children, or hits to a reputation.  The other type of depression families are likely to experience has to do with them personally.  This involves questions related to what will happen to them and preparing for possible time away from him/her.

Raul Baez is a prison reform advocate who served time at Otisville Federal Correctional  Institution.  While incarcerated, he started a financial literacy program that he has since adapted to his nonprofit in the Bronx, W.I.C.O., Inc. (wicoinc.com).  Raul shared with us in his powerful testimony, “Bridgeport is where my youngest son lives and he is attempting to get into the prison system as we speak, literally! He is definitely fighting depression and without the proper intervention, is only a matter of time before he ends up in prison.”  Raul acknowledges in seeking help for his son, “I've done enough time to compensate all that is required for the men in my family tree.”

And we heard from Melanie G. Snyder, Executive Director, Lancaster County Reentry Management Organization (RMO), who’s TEDx Talk, “Breaking Out of Prison Thinking,” (http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Breaking-out-of-prison-thinking) is a must-see for anyone interested in this issue.  In Melanie’s contribution, “I am sending you a short excerpt from my book, Grace Goes to Prison, (Brethren Press, 2009) that you may use in your sermon or in any other way that may be useful - it shares a brief story from the experiences of a man named Jerry as he grappled with deep depression remembering his children while incarcerated. (Jerry is still in prison, and has now been incarcerated for over 28 years - my husband and I have been walking alongside him through his journey for about the past 7-8 years...).

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Last Wednesday, I was armed with this outpouring of generosity.  I was imbued with the collective wisdom, experience, strength, faith and hope about Incarceration and Depression by people I respect and admire, each of whom had taken the time to share with me their innermost thoughts and secrets.

I had been given all this and still, I backed up into a car and fell into a pit of depression anyway.  Because that’s what Depression is about.  It’s unpredictable.  It’s cunning and baffling.  And it’s tragic. 

__________

I feel better today.  I get to wake up this morning, pray, kiss my sweet wife good morning and start a new day.  And I get to preach at a congregation I love with all my heart.

My condolences to the families of Michael Brown, of Ferguson, Missouri; Eric Garner, of Staten Island, New York; and Robin Williams, of Tiburon, California.

May God Bless You and Keep You Always.

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Progressive Prison Project/
Innocent Spouse & Children Project

at Christ Church Greenwich 254 East Putnam Avenue
Greenwich, Conecticut 06830

Mailing Address: P.O. Box 1232, Weston, Connecticut 06883

Central Ministry & Office: Weston, Connecticut

Rev. Jeff Grant, JD, M Div, Minister/Director
jgrant@prisonist.org
(o) +1203.769.1096
(m) +1203.339.5887

Lynn Springer, Advocate, Innocent Spouses & Children
lspringer@prisonist.org
(m) +1203.536.5508

George Bresnan, Advocate
gbresnan@prisonist.org 

__________

Comments from Social Media: 

Incarceration leaves a permanent scar on your soul.  It  may blend in so that it is difficult to see sometimes but I can tell you that every morning I shower, for a few moments I experience being back in jail. - Barry S. Diamond

Jeff,
I never would have guessed you were having a difficult day when we talked last Wednesday. I too had an accident in my driveway this past March. I thought my car was in park and when I got out it rolled away tossing me to the ground and running over my foot. I too was not present in the moment. Rob and I were fighting due to the stress of his case.  Today the pain in my foot is a constant reminder of that horrible night. One day I will get surgery but in the meantime it reminds me of where I never want to be ever again.  I know God made sure I never forget.

I also suffer from depression but I have always questioned weather it was a result of the many years of black clouds hanging over us. Each day is a struggle. I do have faith that there is a faint light in our distant future.
We finally had our hugs Thursday. It was wonderful the guard let all three of us go in together. Our daughter is 19 and officially an adult. Usually they make her go in alone, which I don't like. We laughed and joked. It was priceless to be all together again.  We were ribbing each other like usual.
I guess as long as I keep reminding myself that tomorrow will come and go, I need to be here to experience whatever is thrown at me good or bad. I know things could always be worse. Thank you for sharing your experience. Peace
- J (Anonymous)